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When you've virtually porked the computerized women Flirt Planet offers, the app will then recommend you to its partner app, Flirt Planet Meet, which is exactly the same app, except you're now testing your new skills of pressing dialogue buttons with other people who've also become good at pressing dialogue buttons. No for this, I'm talking about messages from people who are like, a 25 percent match but then act all surprised when I shut down their advances. Always on the go but can't get enough of Cracked? I get a lot of messages from older men, men who exceed that age range by 15 to 20 years. Y'all need 50 shades of Jesus and some sensitivity training. Nevertheless, messages like the one above arrive in my inbox almost daily. And as these apps continue to evolve, they keep getting more specific You know, until someone comes along with a bigger carrot, because you searched for women on a gold-digging app in the first place.
I use the cute kind, though. Here ya go -- FetLife exists! Basically, you offer any "gift" you're willing to hand out on your Carrot Dating profile, and the women will come flocking to you, basking in your rays of materialism as they beg for a date so that you hand over your gift. Then Carrot Dating is the app for you. Find yourself face to face with the pound prison- tattooed she-beast who posted the fake picture on Women Behind Bars and is now standing at your door. On my profile, it clearly states that I'm looking for men and women who aren't more than 10 years older than me. If you don't know what FetLife is, stop lying and go to FetLife already. Carrot Dating "Exchanging goods for sex? Most of the ladies What does it do? What they don't send are the details about what got them locked up. These days, finding an anonymous sex partner is just a matter of installing Grindr or Tinder on your phone. The idea is that since you've mastered flirting with the computer, then you no doubt know exactly how to get laid with real people, which explains why everyone who's ever played a BioWare game is now a smooth-talking ladies' man. Just because I can, in theory, be attracted to both you and your girlfriend doesn't mean that I'm automatically attracted to both of you, nor does it make it any less rude to ask me to spice up your sex life or whatever right off the bat. Now is the time for all Cracked readers who complain about my swearing to get their dicks nice and hard on their high fucking horses, because FetLife-esque messages are the fucking worst, and I can't talk about it without throwing out enough curse words that I'd go broke if someone slipped a swear jar in front of me. Wait, is there no app simply called "Sexer"? And they have release dates to match. Do you have a pop culture muse? Nevertheless, messages like the one above arrive in my inbox almost daily. You fill in your profile and upload your photos, and instead of leaving it there waiting for someone to bite, you have only an hour to search around and look for someone to hook up with. The third part of XJ's epic science-fiction novel is out now on Amazon. It's not like I'm vehemently anti-threesome or whatever, but contrary to popular opinion, being bisexual isn't a synonym for hypersexual. When you look at someone else's profile, you can see how much of a match that person is with you, and can look at the questions that you disagreed on. I get a lot of messages from older men, men who exceed that age range by 15 to 20 years. Continue Reading Below Advertisement To post a profile, they have to mail a handwritten bio, including date of birth, the state where they are currently incarcerated and expected release date.
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