Updating status on facebook via text
All noble things are as difficult as they are rare. Costanza, The Seinfeld Show You've seen the news. I just want everyone to know that I have gone another day without being stabbed repeatedly. If you think you have nothing to be thankful for today, consider this: I used to be good at sports. I'm gonna get myself in trouble if I keep spilling my guts to you. You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for your future.
When a fly or small bug lands on your computer screen, has your first reaction ever been to try and scare it with the cursor? There are more than two kinds of people in this world. One of the great regrets of my life is that I suffered so many assholes so gladly for so many years, all for the sake of a paycheck. If you're so caught up in avoiding lightning, you may not ever enjoy a single thunderstorm. When going through airport customs and the TSA agent asks, "Do you have any firearms with you? Every rule has an exception, especially this one. Whisper down the lane is not as much fun on Facebook as it was when we used to sit in rows on the floor of the school gymnasium. If the game doesn't freeze every six minutes, then you're not watching Fox. If I were joking, you would be laughing. If Santa were to name his balls, would he call one "Milk" and the other "Cookies"? Expecting the world to treat you fairly because you are good is like expecting the bull not to charge because you are a vegetarian. I once prayed to God for a bike, but quickly found out He didn't work that way—so I stole a bike and prayed for His forgiveness. But sometimes when you get it back, it's horribly deformed and covered in an unusually smelly gelatinized mass that you can't identify. I can't pinpoint the moment when we started working toward uncommon goals, but I'm fairly certain that it corresponds with the moment when we stopped being productive. Will they still put you on hold? Looking for some status update inspiration? You cannot change the past, but you can take responsibility for your future. Without you, I might have been stabbed repeatedly, of which I am not a fan. You're so vain, you probably think this status is about you. Then I realized that I could buy trophies. When I discovered YouTube, I didn't work for five days. So if you keep reading, you'll go broke. Society is never going to make any progress until we all learn to pretend to like each other. Tip of the week: I was totally fine.
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