The dating rules revisited
It skirts around a point that many women desperately need to hear without ever directly addressing it. He doesn't explain any of the above. A few guys know a little about "game" so his sporadic texts could actually be a poor attempt at attracting you; but men that use "game" tactics heavily are probably just trying to bang you anyway - so your conclusion will be the same regardless. It is perfectly possible to have strong personal boundaries without being an asshole best illustrated in example 1, where the woman is firm, but polite , just as it is perfectly possible to have weak personal boundaries without being kind or charitable best illustrated in example 3, where the girl gives to charity, but not for altruistic motives. If she has weak boundaries, the woman will probably just pretend nothing happened, assume that she must have misunderstood the plans, and maybe even apologize for the text she sent that night asking what happened which he never answered.
Excuses about "guys' night out" or "bro's before ho's" are likely just that - excuses. A woman with strong boundaries will smile, maybe throw in a wink or a nudge, and tell the guy that if he really wants to come, he will find a way to get something neon she isn't going to let him ruin the party just because she likes him. Maybe he texts you at 7 pm on Friday "Hey what are you up to tonight? He does this because he is keeping his options open, waiting for something better or more fun with a hotter girl. Unless he has something to hide, there should be nothing wrong whatsoever with you looking through his photos or even his texts. In my experience, women tend to have weaker rather than stronger boundaries. As I have said before, while appearances are essential in getting a guy to approach or getting him to ask you out, they are nowhere near enough to get a guy to commit for the long term. These forms of communication are low-investment because they don't require his devoted attention, leaving him free to do other things - including communicating with other girls. He contacts you sporadically, and often goes silent for days on end. It is reasonable to think that some of the things above could happen occasionally for reasons other than his attempts to get other women, or his lack of interest in you. There is some overlap between the groups, but there are plenty of people with strong boundaries outside the set of assholes, just as there are plenty of people with weak boundaries outside the set of kind people. Balancing between these two extremes is critical. If he liked you for more than sexual reasons, he would ask you to hang out with him in a normal environment that gives you an opportunity to get to know each other. They can attract the men they want, they just can't seem to keep to them. This is a little counter-intuitive, and definitely a generalization, but I think I understand why it is the case. We do this by observing their confidence , their posture , their grooming , the way they dress , and most importantly, the way they interact with others. For example, on a Friday night he might text you something like "I am headed to [bar name]" without explicitly inviting you, because his goal is to get you to come to him. They don't like them because they are assholes, they like them in spite of their being assholes. Or maybe he wants to watch a routine sports game on the only night you have free, so you have to push the date a week. A similar thing is true of women who like "assholes. He frequently tries to escalate the relationship sexually, while making little or no efforts to get to know you personally. There is one seat available, but a businessman is using it for his laptop bag while he works intently on his computer. A woman with medium boundaries won't bend on the requirement, but she might offer to help him find some neon clothes. When a man meets a woman who lets him or others walk all over her boundaries, or even define them, he concludes that she doesn't respect herself, and therefore, that she must not be someone worthy of respect. This is his filter: Alcohol is the greatest facilitator of easy sex, and bars and nightclubs - although good places to meet men if you use them correctly - are also the only venues other than brothels that facilitate casual sex. A girl with weak boundaries will first try to avoid the person asking for money altogether; but once she is asked, she will immediately give in, and actually donate a generous amount because she sees on the list that other people have done the same.
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