Application for dating my daughter pdf
Places where there is darkness. I suffered through 42 hours of labor to have her, and will unleash an unimaginable amount of anger such that the movie will look like an episode of the Little House on the Prairie should you cross me. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Hockey games are okay. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the queen of her universe.
Instead of just standing there, why don't you do something useful, like changing the oil in my car? Do not trifle with me. I have a shotgun, a shovel, and five acres behind the house. As you stand in my front hallway, waiting for my daughter to appear, and more than an hour goes by, do not sigh and fidget. Places where there are beds, sofas, or anything softer than a wooden stool. I may appear to be a potbellied, balding, middle-aged, dimwitted has-been. Please don't take this as an insult, but you and all of your friends are complete idiots. Offending body parts will be removed by me with a dull spoon. Do not date my daughter for her money because I am her bank. Places where the ambient temperature is warm enough to induce my daughter to wear shorts, tank tops, midriff T-shirts, or anything other than overalls, a sweater, and a goose down parka - zipped up to her throat. If you want to be on time for the movie, you should not be dating. I have no doubt you are a popular fellow, with many opportunities to date other girls. I am aware that it is considered fashionable for boys of your age to wear their trousers so loosely that they appear to be falling off their hips. Hockey games are okay. I thought I'd share it with you guys, as I'm sure many of you are fathers who might appreciate this. But on issues relating to my daughter, I am the all-knowing, merciless god of your universe. If you do not I will ask her. Someday when I have kids as Ian would say: Do not expect gifts, she has been taught to be a savvy shopper. Frozen dinners do not count. I'm sure you've been told that in today's world, sex without utilizing a "barrier method" of some kind can kill you. If you talk with foul words and dress like a bad ass, a punk or a wanna-be-gangster I will toss you right out on your tush. Hence, she is not an object for you to play with, manipulate, and discard at your leisure. You may glance at her, so long as you do not peer at anything below her neck. When I meet a girl, the thing I always notice about her first is: The one thing I hope this application does not ask me about is: Movies with a strong romantic or sexual theme are to be avoided; movies which features chain saws are okay.
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